Are You There Reader? It’s Me, Alexis.
Updated: May 12, 2021
Let me preface this by saying I am not good at beginnings, or firsts, or starts of things. I am notorious for picking something up and restarting that thing over and over again and again before I can finish it. For example, I've restarted The West Wing over a dozen times and have never finished it, it's a great show, I just can't get past the fact that(SPOILER ALERT) Rob Lowe leaves halfway through the show!
Maybe it’s the secret perfectionist in me or the anxiety that I think I can do something better if I just did it in a specific way, or maybe I'm never satisfied (probably that one) so I start over. I wasn't always like this, I had plans and goals, and like 18 calendars through google cal that I used to schedule my entire existence.
Again, not sure about now, but the premise of the start to this blog is a simple introduction. Hello there! My name is Alexis, I am a Taurus, I live in NYC and in a constant state of anxiety, and I have no fucking clue what I’m doing with my life.
Okay, that's not completely true, I know that I want to be a writer, I always have. However, there isn't much else in my life that I have a 100% certainty of knowing, and I honestly think that's okay. I am in this moment of existence where I don't know what's going to happen, sure, I can work, and plan, and do what I think is right to create a better future for myself, but there are so many uncertainties that it makes it hard to truly know where the hell I'll be in a year.
Right now I am unsure of graduating college, I don't know if I'll have a job in a month, I'm supposed to be moving, I still don't have health insurance, and I have thousands of dollars in student debt...actually that's one thing I am certain of (Thanks Joe). Growing up I thought I was so certain of what my life would be like right now, I had worked so hard in middle and high school that I'm fearful if 13-year-old Alexis saw me now she'd try to kick my ass.
Now, I'm not saying I haven't still worked hard, in fact, the past five years of my life have been the most challenging in terms of how much I had to work. But the difference was I was working on my mental health, working through my traumas, and trying to be okay with failure. I guess, what I'm trying to say in this stream of consciousness is that I'm still figuring things out, and this is my coming of age story. Welcome.